PICURFOE, WILLIE MOE
Season's greetings and yippie-ki-yay, mother fleckers! If you're reading this, you're either really, really bored, or you own one of the three remaining teams still in the hunt for the Ickey Shuffle Dynasty League Championship, unofficially sponsored by Boom! Tough Actin' Tinactin!
Yes, it's a wonderful life, being the #1 seed and dominating the regular season. Even wonderful lives come down to choices and today I have a big choice ahead of me. When man tis faced with such a decision, he must fully Christian Ponder the range of outcomes. In this instance there are but two outcomes to consider with each choice. Will the choice result in the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat? Now, if you have the agony of da feet, you may want to see if Boom! Tough actin' Tinactin can help you!
One could let hubris gelt the best of them and throw abandons to the wind, like John McClane throwing a dead terrorist out the window of Nakatomi Plaza, and pick the more challenging foe rather than one that gifts one the easier path. The problem I am present-ed with, is neither choice looks like a legitimate challenge. You know what else isn't a challenge? Athlete's foot, when you have the help of Boom! Tough Actin' Tinactin!
Okay, okay, look, I know saying neither team is a challenge, might make you think me a heel.
You might think me as cuddly as a cactus, as charming as an eel.
A bad banana with a greasy black peel.
Call me a monster.
Say my heart's an empty hole.
That my brain is full of spiders.
That I've got garlic in my soul.
And that you wouldn't touch me with a 39 and a half foot pole.
Call me a vile one.
Tell me I have termites in my smile,
That I have the tenderness of a seasick crocodile.
Oh and between the two you'd take the seasick crocodile
I get it, but truth hurts folks.
Les Cousins Dangeruex's best player is it's kicker. Yeah, I see Justin Jefferson over there, but I also see...actor Wilmer Valderrama? Let me get my spectacles...oh it's Nick Mullens throwing to him.
I guess that's better than Wilmer throwing the ball to JJ...slightly. JJ, your quarterback, woof! Look Hoff's an alright dude, so I hate being a Scrooge and basically taking money out of his hands, but sometimes that has to happen. Now, yule maybe pause and say this is harsh, elf-serving and looking like I really haven't done a thorough evaluation of his team...and that's where you're right. That being said, I cane ask myself, would I be surprised if Hoff beat me in the playoffs? Well, if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn't be more surprised!
Okay, okay, you may remember me mentioning neither of my options provided me with much of a challenge, so what about the other choice? Tannehill's Sex Tape or something? Yeah, I barely knew who owned this team until recently. Apparently he's been in this league for a bit? I've never met him, but I think Craig is probably a tree-mendous guy. Better than some clodhopper down in Griffith, Indiana anyways.
Oh, almost 200 points in his quarterfinal, ya say?
Ya know what's more impressive, being so good you don't even have to play in a quarterfinal match. It is fun that he has professionals at QB, a Baker and a Gardner.
Okay, so there is some talent on this team, CMC can sleigh any team fir sure, but overall it's just not orna-meant to be for poor Craig, this season.
So, Cindy-Lou Who will it be? Who am I picking to get their bell rung by me this week, giving a lucky angel it's wings (crispy and with blue cheese of course)? Hoff, it is is decided, you and me!
And that's a wrap!
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